I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
