Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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