I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
