You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
