i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
