whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
