I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
