I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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