If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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