I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
