I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
