Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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