its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
