So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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