Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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