Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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