Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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