alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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