But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
