Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How external is "for external use only"?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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