don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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