My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
