By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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