He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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