Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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