I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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