so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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