is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
