the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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