marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
