I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she looked like the before picture.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
