Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
