My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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