Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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