i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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