I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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