You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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