I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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