Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
