Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
