do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
