You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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