I cannot find my penis.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
