so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My bed smells like the plague
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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