omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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