So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
