i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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