goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
