Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
