fuck your aforementioned shoe
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
