3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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