oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My hand turned me down
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
