just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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