Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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