Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
