I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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