What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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