whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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