Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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