yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
