I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
