why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
