please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
