Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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