Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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