My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i don't like sucking hair
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
