you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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