I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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