Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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