I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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