a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
