I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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