We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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