he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
