She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
