i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
