I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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