after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
