I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
